Sex Is More Fun Once You Have This Conversation

Do you want your partner to go down on you more? (Um, yes?) Have you ever wanted a rim job but have been too shy to ask? Have you ever had a fantasy that you were too scared to bring up with your partner, which caused you to miss out on the experience altogether?
A survey of more than 1,000 people across the U.S. and Europe conducted by online medical service provider Zava has indicated that we just don’t talk about sex enough with our partners. And if we don’t talk about what we really want in the sack, our sex lives just might not reach their full potential.
The truth is, talking about sex leads to a better sex life.
We all want to have a bangin’ sex life, right? So let’s get talking! Couples that do discuss sex have a much higher overall level of satisfaction in their relationship. The Zava survey indicated that couples experienced a 54 percent improvement in their sexual satisfaction once their communication levels went from the lowest end of the spectrum to the highest—regardless of gender or nationality.
But if it’s so great… why don’t talk about sex as much as we should?
So why is it that we have a really difficult time discussing sex? The Zava survey found a litany of reasons couples don’t communicate better in bed, the most common being that people are worried about hurting their partner’s feelings.


While that makes a lot of sense—and is kind of a sweet reason—if you’re in a relationship, there should be an existing level of trust, and hashing out desires in your sex life together is ultimately for the benefit of the relationship. After all, you’re not bringing this stuff up to harm your partner. Have faith in what you share!
The second most common reason there’s a lack of communication in the bedroom? People felt embarrassed. (Surprise, surprise.) After that, people were concerned about the outcome of the conversation, the rocky state of the relationship, their partner not being a good listener, having a judgmental partner, and finally, a doubt in trust.
“I think a lot of couples fear discussing sex—and desires that are considered taboo, like swinging, threesomes, sex toys, or sex clubs—because as a society, we really put a spin on what is acceptable and what is not,” says Cali Estes, Ph.D., therapist and author of I Married a Junkie. Estes says that because female sexuality has been especially repressed in our culture, we’ve made open sexuality fairly taboo—to the point where some men might feel more comfortable expressing their truest desires more easily with a sex worker than their wives.
How can we do it better?
We reached out to women’s health expert Pari Ghodsi, M.D., for advice on ways to get us talking. She gave us five pointers on how to start the conversation:
1. Talk positively.
It’s good to let your partner know, “I like it when you did this,” and “I think it would be

This article was originally published here by Kari Langslet